Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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