And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
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I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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