Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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