dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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