i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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