just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize