They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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