I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dont even know how to be here
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize