oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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