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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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