my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This house was built for laser tag.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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