Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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