Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I want a musical about memes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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