I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize