This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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