Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize