a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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