i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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