Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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