Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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