we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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