it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize