I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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