Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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