Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize