i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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