Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize