If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize