I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize