Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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