What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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