My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize