Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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