god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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