He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize