i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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