Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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