we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize