He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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