I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I cut my penus on the lid.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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