I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize