ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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