well you can't waste a boner
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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