she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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