Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Your penis caused this!
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