I'm pants shitting drunk right now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize