Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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