Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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