but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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