What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
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when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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