Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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