I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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